Amidst all the facebook memes pumped out by Obama loyalists last night a question popped into my head: why can’t Big Bird survive in the free market? Let’s ignore the fact that his is a ridiculous issue, as neither candidate mentioned ending or auditing the federal reserve, thus neither candidate acknowledge the main source of evil in America. Nevertheless, let’s talk Big Bird because that’s all we are really left with to address principles and mentality.

Big Bird is a highly recognizable name. Everyone knows who Big Bird is. In fact, we were all brainwashed with Big Bird propaganda at an early age and he is among our first memories. What other costume character has left as big of an imprint on your life.? Barney? Cookie Monster? Elmo? Big Bird is big, yellow and a bird. A total kids magnet.

Let’s not pretend Big Bird is teaching us anything, outside of a few basic rules to get kids started towards the system of commerce that will swallow them up when they are young, hopeful and ignorant. You know, 5+5 is 10 and 10+5 is 15, BOB is spelled the same backwards (Romney) as it is forwards (Obama), now go be a slave in your lifelong struggle to obtain green paper within our rules written on white paper. ¬†Oh, this system does not make sense to you? Did you not watch BIG BIRD!

It is an amusing thought that kids will be missing out if they can’t turn on the TV to learn something. You’d have to be the worst parent in the world to think…

Oh my god Big Bird is not on anymore how will my kids learn the basic kids stuff!?

The truth is, Big Bird will be a cash cow. The day he appears on cable TV the ratings will make Barney look like an old crusty dinosaur. Big Bird could also set up his own youtube channel and begin tweeting more freely, outside of the corporate censorship that plagues government employees more than any other.

Future Big Bird Tweet:

I’m rich! #JustSayNoToGov

He also won’t have to adhere to drug tests. Come to think of it, why would government employees want to be government owned? It makes no sense outside of one little emotion: Fear.

Oh yes, just like the teachers in Chicago who get an entire summer every year to figure out a career change, it sounds like Big Bird would rather pout than accept the challenge of survive on his own.

All publicity is good publicity, with the exception being if you work for the government. This is because everything in the public sector is backwards and contradicts empowerment, leadership and personal identity. It’s a mix of pathetic neediness and entitlement. It’s just plain sad. Give it up Big Bird and go get a real job. We have faith in you. We all know you. You’ll do just fine.

The private sector does not come with any guarantees. It does not necessarily mean you will be better off. But there is a freedom attached to it that is irreplaceable and slightly more human than the alternative.


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